Where We're At

I can't sleep. It's a simple fact that I have gotten used to over the past week and a half. The dark circles under my eyes are becoming a staple on my face. Even when my kids are peacefully sleeping I can't get my mind to shut down long enough to let me rest. It's racing, calculating numbers, percentages, pros and cons, etc.
It was last Saturday when Rory and I decided we wanted to look into bulding a home, because I had heard about the whole $6,000 grant Utah was giving away to the first 1,600 people to buy a newly constructed home. So we went and checked this place out. We loved it, but didn't think there was any way we could afford to live in such a place. The model home was AMAZING. So we went on our way. The whole weekend we couldn't get it out of our minds. I talked to a lender and found out how much we could qualify for. I found out there is a huge difference between what you CAN qualify for and what you WANT to spend. No wonder so many people get into homes they really can't afford. Then we went back to the same place and walked through one of their homes being built. We decided it was the floor plan we would have if we went with this builder.
We decided to meet with another builder the next day, and the sales lady was very nice, she gave us some addresses of lots they could build on for us. So we drove by all these other really nice lots, but they just did not feel right. Some of them were located very close to the first neighborhood we looked at so we decided to just drive through it. I knew it then. Nothing would compare. It just felt right. It already felt like home. I started crying, ROry (who was already stuck on this area and builder) looked at me like I was crazy but knew what I was feeling because he felt it, too.
A couple days later we went back to the original builder and told her where we're at-what we want to spend and we asked her what we need to do to get it for that cost. Now I must say that these are not the typical builders. They are selling houses left and right, every time we are there it is full of people staking claim on their lot. So, by this time the two lots we were deciding between had already been sold--in just a couple days! So we were stuck with only 3 lots left that all have a lot premium (meaning they have an extra price because they are nicer for one reason or another). The next phase of development would definitely be out of our price because they were huge cul-de-sac lots. So....we put money down on a lot. We actually love this lot-it was the one we wanted from the start but didn't want it because it had a premium. But it turns out the premium isn't so bad and the lot is just a couple doors down from a new park they are building in the neighborhood. We have an appointment to sign the contract and all that on Wednesday and we have until Friday to make up our minds for sure about this place because we have until then to get our money back. I've been pretty sure about it the whole time but now I am starting to have doubts. Can we really afford it? Can I handle being extremely house poor until..who knows when? Are we going to be able to even buy things for the house once we have it i.e. yard, blinds, fridge, a new table, etc.
I feel pretty sure because every time we have gone out looking Rory and I have said a prayer in the car before we even start driving. It feels right, but there are still major doubts. We are going to the Temple tomorrow and we will decide for sure then.
So that's where we're at. I hope we make the right choice, I am so scared. I guess I will let you know later this week, and maybe post some pictures of the lot.